Thursday, November 13, 2008

How far will you go to defend your first year case notes?

ASU student pummels would-be robber


November 7th, 2008 @ 9:42am


by KPHO.com


Arizona State University student Alex Botsios said he had no problem giving a nighttime intruder his wallet and guitars.

When the man asked for Botsios' laptop, however, the first-year law student drew the line.

"I was like, 'Dude, no -- please, no!" Botsios said. "I have all my case notes…that's four months of work!"

Police said Gabriel Saucedo entered Botsios' apartment through an open window early Thursday morning. When Botsios woke up, Saucedo threatened him with a baseball bat, police said.

He was just like, 'I'm going to smash your head in,'" Botsios said.

At that point, the law student wrestled the bat away and began punching Saucedo, Botsios said.

"I basically grabbed him and threw him this way, and he held onto the bat so it threw him to the ground," he said.

Police said they took Saucedo to the hospital for stitches before they arrested him on charges of armed robbery and kidnapping. Other than a bruised knuckle and a few scratches, Botsios was unharmed.

Janet Botsios, Botsios' mother, said she took the first flight from Texas as soon as she heard what happened.

"I'm like putting my face in my hands, and I just couldn't believe it," she said. "I was like, 'Oh my God.' I'm so glad he watched all those police shows his whole life … He knew how to take care of himself … I'm very, very, very proud of him."

Alex Botsios said he learned one lesson from the incident: don't leave windows open.

Otherwise, he said he is happy that his laptop is unharmed.

"It's my baby," he said. "Don't mess with my computer."

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Banjo used in brain surgery

Check out the video on the BBC page.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7665747.stm


A musician who underwent brain surgery to treat a hand tremor played his banjo throughout to test the success of the procedure.

Eddie Adcock is one of the pillars of Bluegrass Music and realised his tremor could threaten his ability to perform professionally.

Surgeons placed electrodes in Mr Adcock's brain and fitted a pace maker in his chest which delivers a small current which shuts down the region of his brain causing the tremors.

A surgeon filmed the operation at the Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Porcelain & Plumbing

Porcelain & Plumbing
(inspired by actual events)

by Ipsit Dixit

We had begun searching for a new house
To leave our apartment behind;
Not that we’re really the type to grouse:
We’re just the “fee simple” kind.

We wanted a place with more than one bath
To accommodate guests staying over;
We saw a listing with one full and one half,
And drove out to go look it over.

The first level clearly was just top class
With quality work all around,
With hardwood and tile and lustrous glass,
And hardly a flaw to be found.

We saw the unfinished basement, though,
With concrete floor in minimalist mode.
We looked to see where the “half bath” would go,
And saw a free-standing commode.

I sat on the lid and I looked all around,
Viewing each bare bulb that shone,
Peering into each corner of the grey concrete ground,
And up to the kitchen, from that porcelain throne.

Porcelain and plumbing we had for sure,
But not sink, nor walls, nor door.

I think the advert was a wee bit misleading,
When all the “half” had was only flush seating.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Finding Fault with the Victims of Ike

Let me preface by saying that I am both glad that Ike was not as bad as it was feared it would be and that I have great sympathy for those whose lives were turned upside down by this storm. I have never had to evacuate my family. I can only imagine how difficult it is to decide what to take and what to leave, to turn your pets over to a mass shelter, to face the prospect of losing all that you worked for.

However, news reports indicate that some 140,000 persons stayed behind after the evacuation order was issued.

Now, lets assume that some of those were abandoned and would have wanted to get out- elderly, infirm, and such. It is also likely that others stayed behind because they could not get out such as those who took too long and were trapped.

The news interviews with those who stayed because they expected to "ride out the storm" or because they "wanted to experience the storm" strike me as having made a grossly negligent choice. There may be few or many of these, but their choice put others in danger and that is hard to accept.

Predictably, emergency services at all levels are rescuing these folks now. The financial cost is great but the human cost is higher as thousands of emergency personnel risk life and limb to save those whose own negligence put them there. Sure, this is their job- though it is worth noting that Texas, like Pennsylvania, provides most local emergency services through volunteer companies- but increasing the risks that others face is the essence of negligence.

For example, three folks in Galveston went out to the end of a pier to "experience" and photograph Ike's landfall. When the pier was wiped away behind them, they were stranded on the end through the storm. They are lucky to be alive at all and I have no doubt that they have the experience of a lifetime.

The Coast Guard, spotting them from the air yesterday morning conducted a search and rescue and brought them out safely.

I hope they, and any others like them, realize how stupid it was to vie with Mother Nature, on the one hand, and how fundamentally wrong it is to act so negligently.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

English Only Golfing

The LPGA has instituted an "English only" rule.

I suppose it sucks for the Scots... Invent the game but barred from international competition because no one can understand you.

The LPGA has decided that it has a responsibility to its members to further their careers off the course and that growing the game among English speakers is critical to that mission. Perhaps someone should explain that English only speakers make up a VERY small minority of the people on the planet and that, with an average birth rate hovering around 2 children per family, that percentage will be less every year.

More to the point... What could be more offensive than to be told that your language itself makes you unqualified to bang a ball around a big field? You can beat par at Hilton Head but your interviews don't play well on SportsNight. Sorry, you suck. Loser.

A more offensive display of ethnocentrism is hard to imagine.

Assholes.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Wonderful Legal Career

[Below is an actual "Serial Writing Paper" submitted in law school to satisfy part of the professional writing requirement for my JD. Ah, law school. Remember law school? Is it any surprise how many lawyers end up twisted, pill-popping, alcoholics? Anyway, the professor was not amused by my work product, but that was no surprise, since I'm pretty sure he had his sense of humor surgically removed and replaced with a second, ah, sphincter.]


Topic: How do you envision your legal career in seven years? Be specific.

In seven years, I envision myself with a diverse practice including divorce law, property law, bankruptcy law, Fifth Amendment law, and prisoner-rights law, tort law, and appellate work.

After incurring significant debt to attend law school and graduating in the bottom quintile, I will take a legal job at a 35% cut in my current pay. I will work 80 hours per week as a junior associate, and my wife will be forced to work overtime and take part‑time jobs to help meet mortgage and student loan payments.

After several years of this, my wife’s health will fail and she will be forced to quit her full‑time job as well as one of her two part-time jobs. She will go on disability and quit the last part time job. In the meantime, I will increase my hours from 80 per week to 100 per week, in a valiant (if not vain) attempt to increase my income from 65% to 75% of the pre-law level.

On the verge of declaring bankruptcy, my lovely wife, having borne a greater burden than any woman should be asked to, will sue for divorce. Overwhelmed with guilt for having effectively abandoned her in my pursuit of a legal career and for having saddled her with a mountain of foolish debt, I will not only agree to the divorce, but to all the terms set forth by her lawyer. I will assume all the debt from student loans, credit cards, and the like. I will agree to the sale of the house, assigning all proceeds to her, agree to spousal maintenance of 50% of my gross income, and agree to guarantee health insurance. She will get the dog.

Bankruptcy court will generously give my creditors most of the rest.

Shortly after moving into a tiny efficiency apartment, and learning the wonders of shopping at the dollar store, my car will break down. The cost of the repairs will make it impossible to meet all my obligations of rent, debt payments, and spousal support, not to mention food, utilities, et cetera. Within a few months, utilities will be cut off, and a few months after that, the landlord will refuse to renew my lease.

After the eviction, I will live in my ’98 Beetle “for just a little while to save money”. The number of hours I work will increase from 100 to 140 per week, since I really do not have anywhere else to be anyway. The increase in my professional productivity will be offset by the deterioration in my personal hygiene.

After years of having taken mass transit in from the suburbs, I will discover that the cost of parking in the city is greater than rent and utilities combined. Parking on the street in an effort to make ends meet, one night, my car will be towed. I will be disoriented and dismayed when I awake in a South Philly impound lot, but it will slowly dawn on me that last night’s wild dream of being towed while sleeping in my car was not so wild after all.

The expense of the cab to and from the bank to withdraw the cash, along with the fees and penalties, will consume almost all of my available funds. Driving out of the lot, I will discover that my brakes have failed because the car had been towed with parking brake on. Unable to stop the car, I will drive into the impound lot administrative building. My car will be impounded. Again.

With all my changes of clothes behind a razor-wire-topped fence, locked in the Beatle, in South Philly, my coworkers will begin complaining to management of the odor wafting from my cube. I will no longer be invited to client meetings. About three weeks after the impoundment, as my hygiene declines, a senior partner will walk in on me late one night as I attempt to take a sponge bath in the executive wash room. I will be fired. (There are just some purposes to which a designer original, color-coordinated, 100% Egyptian cotton, terrycloth, executive face towel should never be put.) The next day I will assign all interest in my pension funds to my wife.

I will win the city’s tort claim against me for damage to the impound building, arguing that the city’s towing contractor owed a duty of care to release the parking brake before actually towing the car (or else to use a flat bed tow truck). I will, however, be held responsible for impound fees that exceed my net worth.

I will homestead a beautiful, undeveloped, open space at 16th and Vine boasting a superb view of the Center City skyline above and the I-676 expressway below. When the city sanitation crew appears to remove my few pitiful belongings I will eloquently protest the seizure of my property and irrefutably argue against the legitimacy of such confiscatory policies. However, the crew, and the police officers providing security for them, will be unmoved. Pressing my case with the zeal expected of a Beasley Law graduate, I will be arrested by police in an attempt silent a vociferous critic of the state.

I will be charged with interfering with a city worker in the lawful performance of his duties, with uttering terroristic threats, with assaulting a police officer, with resisting arrest, and with camping in a public park without a license. Utterly trumped up charges, mind you, but wickedly effective, for from within the bowels of the criminal justice system, my voice—if not unheard—is muffled. I will file appeal after appeal. I will file for writ of mandamus after writ of mandamus. And, even after I am disbarred, I will barter my legal expertise in exchange for my safety.

A little more than seven years after law school, I will be the consigliore of cell block “C”.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Populism Revisited

In a prior post, I took a swipe at the Obama campaign as “Populist” and asserted that Obama lacks the demonstrated competence, experience, and intestinal fortitude to be President.

Ipsit Dixit responded with a thoroughly academic critique of my internet post.

In my experience, little internet discussion follows the structure of academic discourse. It rarely defines terms, presents both sides of an argument, or fairly discusses complex issues. Internet postings have more in common with Thomas Paine’s tracts than Blackstone’s commentaries.

While thoroughly researched, painstakingly attributed, carefully constructed, and eminently fair discussion of current events is of great value, my post was not intended to fulfill those worthy goals. It was, instead, intended to draw on common definitions and ideas to express frustration with what I see as another example of “king-making” by the media.

Perhaps I will be more successful in my second attempt.

In my opinion, it is “Populism” that underpins the Obama campaign.

I did some research into the term “Populism” and found that there is little agreement on its meaning. It appears to have been coined to represent the People’s Party of the late-1800s through early 1900s. These early Populists favored monetary policies that supported labor unions and policy that favored the maintaining of privately owned farms. The also opposed the private ownership of utilities and multi-state corporations.

I have understood “Populism” to be the symbiotic relationship between political leadership that seeks to appeal to a broad “common-man” interest and a population that seeks controls over interests perceived to be uncontrolled by the larger society. So, Populism in 1920 favored labor over owners, government control over railroads, and greater regulation of financial interests. To my mind, Populism today favors US labor over globalization, control over mortgage finance and markets, and the greater regulation of financial interests. The common thread is that the interests of the “common man” trump the interests of corporations and those at the top of the economic ladder.

“Populism” is a pejorative term in my eyes.

Guilty as charged.

It is pejorative because the attempt to appeal to the “common-man’s” interests through the distilling of complex problems to catch-phrases, a common technique of Populists, is, to my mind, inherently dishonest. It seeks power by promising the democratization of financial interests and the socialization of services without possession of the mandate or power to accomplish those ends.

Ultimately, my gripe with the Obama campaign is that it has its roots in a Populist appeal and that it draws its strength from and the complicity of a media that is engaged in “king-making”- by which I mean the ability of the media to decide a winner and then manipulate the populace into voting for that person.

Obama is a fine speaker. He is charismatic and his speech-writers are at the top of their game. When “on-script,” Obama makes few gaffs and his campaign has deftly handled any mistakes.

Obama also has an excellent groups of “handlers”- by which I mean those persons who day-in and day-out manage the complex affairs of a politician so that the politician can concentrate on appearances. This group includes high-level strategists, personal dressers, marketing people, administrators, and a host of paid and volunteer people without whom a candidate would be overwhelmed with tasks.

If we want to think ill of “handlers,” there is some cause.

Handlers refine the message and shield the candidate from scrutiny. So it was with Clinton, whose handlers snuffed story after story during his presidential campaign. So it is with Obama whose handlers have kept discussions of Obama’s stand on issues important to religious voters off the table.

McCain has handlers too. (I like to think that McCain’s greater experience and stature in politics gives him greater control over his message, but I may be deluding myself.)

One of the most important job for handlers is to place candidates in the most favorable position to receive accolades without risk of de-masking their weaknesses. Obama’s handlers have been particularly good at this task and McCain’s particularly bad.

One strategy that Obama’s team employed to great effect during the Primary (hard to believe that we are still in the Primary season, given the present contest) was to overwhelm one’s experienced opponent with media saturation. Undoubtably, it is Obama’s personal magnetism that has made this possible, but it is to his handler’s credit that Obama has been able to capitalize on that advantage.

Almost as soon as he won his Senate seat, Obama began running for President. Obama has no experience with the hard-fought compromises that make this deliberative body work. He simply hasn’t been there long enough to learn the complex inter-personal relationships that bring a bill to a vote or doom it to committee. Unlike LBJ, a man with an immense amount of experience in pushing through legislation, if Obama becomes President, he will be forced to rely upon others for the skills and experience in legislating that he lacks. In this respect, Obama reminds me of Kennedy.

Hillary Clinton had considerably more experience but was much less likable. Consequently, Obama’s team was able to develop a relationship with the media that made every Clinton misstep a catastrophe and most Obama missteps an asset. Obama’s call for unspecified change received unmitigated support from the popular media and uncritical reporting has bolstered his bid for election even beyond that of far more experienced contenders.

Compared to Obama and Clinton, McCain is an “expert” on legislation and the relationship between the Legislature and the Administration and among the Houses, Members, and Senators.

(McCain became an US Representative in 1982 and has served continuously as an US Senator since 1986. He has also been either the sponsor of or co-sponsor to some of the most complex pieces of legislation in history such as that which took on campaign finance and immigration overhaul. Like or hate those bills, McCain was instrumental in bringing them to the floor.)

The crux of the matter is that Obama has not demonstrated an ability to lead and relies upon celebrity to create the impression of charismatic leadership.

The popular media is in the midst of a love-affair with Obama that has built him into a colossus of popular appeal. For example, People Magazine ran a front-page article about the Obama family. The unfettered praise heaped upon him by the mainstream media has only abated in the last week or so and then, only after McCain scored points against Obama by attacking Obama’s celebrity. However, being popular, even charismatic, is only valuable to a leader in-so-much-as those attributes compel cooperation from other government officials. Celebrity must not be a substitute for demonstrated experience, ability, and determination that we need in a President.

The short of it is that the media’s attempt to “sell” me on Obama makes me greatly mistrust him. The media’s attempt to dissuade me from voting for McCain makes me take McCain more seriously.

What concerns me is that Obama’s campaign and the media are so anxious to sell us on change for change’s sake that the particulars are lost. Obama’s website is no more illuminating because it speaks almost entirely in inspirational language. (Before you say it, my friend, I don’t have any idea what Conservative pundits say about Obama. I don’t listen to them and couldn’t care less about their opinions. In MY opinion, Obama’s “plans” are woefully short on details and it is those details that are supposed to substitute for legislative experience on which we are to base our support. If Obama wants my vote, he needs to explain the steps that will garner the support of the States and the US legislature. Without it, it is so much fluff.)

As importantly, I have not seen any reason to believe that Obama has a mandate for change within his own party- begging the question of whether Democratic control of both the Executive and Legislative branches will matter at all. (This is the nature of my attempt to parallel Obama and Bill Clinton as presidents.)

Ultimately, Democrat or Republican, the drafting and amending of legislation is shielded from popular review by an army of lawyers, lobbyists, party elite, and rules. A President cannot navigate that swamp of conflicting interests by popularity alone. A President must be able to harness their popular appeal.

I closed out the prior post by alleging that, like JFK, “Obama will find that there is a huge difference between conceptualizing a ‘better world’ and doing anything to get us there.” And further, that “[l]ike Clinton, he [Obama] will find that it is a lot more satisfying to make big speeches than to attend to the day-in-and-day-out functions of an Administration. And, like Clinton, I suspect that an Obama Administration will be rudderless and corrupt. He will likely be the unknowing chief of a scandal-plagued tribe.”

Though Ipsit Dixit took great offense at these conclusions, I must affirm that they represent a realistic assessment of the likely outcome of an Obama election. (I retract that allegation that Obama’s staff will walk off with White House property like Clinton’s did. Mine was an unfair shot.)

I don’t have any reason to believe that Democratic control of the Senate, House, and Presidency will make one iota of a difference to the vested interests that are aggressively shifting their funding from GOP to DNC. Obama and the national Democratic Party need filthy money as much as the GOP ever did. Once taken, whether through direct donations or through back doors like the 527s, those interests will continue pulling strings… the strings will just be a different color. Thus, even if we credit Obama as being scrupulous and faithful in his promise of “change,” there is no evidence that the presently Democratic controlled Senate and House will do more than give lip-service to that change.

Without the ability to insert himself into the legislative process, an ability that comes only with experience, Obama hasn’t got a prayer of making substantive change, not looked for by the national Democratic Party, a reality. We have been here before… JFK was President.

I suspect that Obama, who seems like a “good man,” will find, as Bill Clinton did before him, that the problems facing his administration are much greater and more complex than he ever imagined. The temptation to abdicate responsibility for those affairs to subordinates will be great. Since those subordinates will be chosen by the party’s elite, they will come to Obama (again, assuming Obama to be impeccably honest) tainted and corrupt. Without careful oversight, a skill not demonstrated by Obama due to his utter lack of executive experience and in serious question, as Ipsit Dixit notes in his reply to the previous post, during his campaign, how could his administration be other than corrupt? We have been here before too… Clinton was President.

Ipsit Dixit was offended by the perceived slight that Obama supporters “accept, without challenge, the assertions of others if assertions are spoken loudly enough and resonate with our desires.” He sees my noting that “I don’t think of myself as ‘smarter’ than other people’” as a mere feint.

The post was written with the mind to my fellow posters, all of whom are, in my esteem, brighter than me. To state that Ipsit Dixit is a critical and intelligent Obama supporter provides no answer to the charge that Obama is riding a Populist wave that may well sweep him into the Presidency.

There are lots of critical, intelligent persons who support Obama; but Obama’s campaign seeks supporters are reflexively supporting him. If they vote Obama because everyone else is or because George Clooney says they should, so be it.

Similarly, McCain is hoping to tap into the reflexive support of deeply conservative persons. If they vote for McCain because Chuck Norris says they should, so be it.

Both campaigns, I suspect, will take votes and money from any source in the offing. If it be racists, communists, atheists, or zealots… so long as they don’t claim to speak for the campaign, their offerings will be accepted.

Such is politics.

As for the foreign-policy credentials and such, that was all Ipsit Dixit. I actually didn’t post about the need for foreign policy experience in a President.

I will say, though, that my view of a presidency is more narrow than that commonly accepted and that foreign policy experience is invaluable.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

HIV Bar Stripped from Immigration Law

Bush has signed a bill that strips HIV from the list of "communicable diseases of public health significance" for which an alien can be barred admission to the US.

Some perspective please.

I did a definition search and do not understand why HIV is not "communicable." Sure, the means by which the virus is communicated are limited. However, HIV infection, particularly among African Americans and sexual minorities continues to exact an horrific toll.

Perhaps the more scientifically-minded among us can weigh in on the technical difference that makes leprosy a "communicable disease of public health significance" and HIV not.

What I am about to say will sound cold. I don't mean it to be; but I am a nationalist at heart and care about American interests much more than unassociated foreign interests.

The US may well have an interest in reducing the costs of HIV drug treatments to populations in other countries. We certainly have an interest in coming up with better treatments for our own people. I don't see any interest in bringing HIV infected persons to the US.

HIV is almost universally fatal. While the inevitable can be delayed with some extremely expensive medical treatment, the outcome is set from the moment that the virus begins its replication.

The article suggests that the bar doesn't matter anyway because there are so many persons who came here illegally to obtain treatment in the US. Even if this is true for persons from Mexico, the assertion doesn't take into account visas issued to persons from developing countries which are now subject to the bar.

Frankly, cold though it may be, I think being HIV positive, even if due to no fault of one's own, should be a bar to admission to the US.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Large Hadron Collider goes online Sept. 10

CERN announced that the first attempt to circulate a beam through the Large Hadron Collider will be on September 10th, 2008.


Some photos of the LHC.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/08/the_large_hadron_collider.html


What do you think of this?

That's it!!! I'm takin to the streets.

Random House Publishers has pulled a book about the Prophet Md.'s child bride due to fears that it would be perceived as an insult to Islam and could spark violence.

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN0736008820080807

What a load of shit!!!

Lots of books are insulting... even meant to be insulting.

As a Catholic, I find James McCarthy's, "The Gospel According to Rome," to be deeply offensive. Similarly, Lorraine Boettner's, "Roman Catholicism" is about as awful as I can imagine. And who can forget Dan Brown's, "The Da Vinci Code?" (Lets face it, if Catholics needed proof that the popular media hated us and wanted our church dead, the hoopla and attention this book and movie generated should have been sufficient. I still can't bring myself to watch any Tom Hanks because of it.)

But, writing offensive stuff has been the hallmark of Western literature for many centuries. In one sense, I think it could be fairly said that it is the awful, the poorly researched, the intentionally deceptive, the hateful that molded our concepts of Free Speech.

The State will always support that which affirms the common culture. It is the offensive that needs protection. So, while it is often prudent to self-censor- not too much- and appropriate to refuse support to that which is designed to bring discredit to your beliefs, it is important that there be easily accessed vehicles for publishing the outrageous and awful.

This is one of the reasons that I favor the unregulated internet.

It is probably fair to say that the internet is the first publishing vehicle that is easily accessible to virtually everyone. There is virtually no evaluation of content- hell, they let ME publish- and the cost of publishing, is, for most in developed nations, pretty low. Have computer, will publish.

This is why the refusal of a publishing house to publish a work on the basis of fear alone is so dangerous and disturbing.

If Random House pulled it because they didn't think it was good enough or because they didn't believe it would sell enough copies, I would have no problem with it. Private company, private rules. But, to pull the work out of fear or because it would offend strikes at the core of Free Speech.

It also sends a bad message that terrorism can stifle ideas. So, if you want your group treated fairly, you should threaten and terrify. Random House, in effect, is saying that it will cave to strong and injure the meek.

This is hardly a formula for supporting Free Speech.

I should note that I am not advancing the notion that private companies should endanger their interests to propel larger Western ideals. Each board, like each individual, has to decide how much risk they are willing to take to support the society that makes their standards of life possible. However, I think less of Random House for having made this decision.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Great Office War

Funny Video: Office & Family Safe


The Great Office War - Watch more free videos

Monica Goodling's LexisNexis Search String

When Williams left the Department in April 2006, she sent an email
to Goodling containing an Internet search string and explained:
“This is the lexis nexis search string that I use for AG appointments.”
The string reads as follows:
[First name of a candidate]! and pre/2 [last name of a
candidate] w/7 bush or gore or republican! or democrat! or
charg! or accus! or criticiz! or blam! or defend! or iran contra
or clinton or spotted owl or florida recount or sex! or
controvers! or racis! or fraud! or investigat! or bankrupt! or
layoff! or downsiz! or PNTR or NAFTA or outsourc! or indict!
or enron or kerry or iraq or wmd! or arrest! or intox! or fired
or sex! or racis! or intox! or slur! or arrest! or fired or
controvers! or abortion! or gay! or homosexual! or gun! or
firearm!

Full DOJ report here.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Audacity of Hope... er... Populism

Obama's handlers, like Clinton's before him, know how to work a crowd.

Obama stalks across the international stage like he has been elected. It may well get him a stint in the Oval Office.

Yeah populism.

Look, there are lots of legitimate reasons to hate Bush. There are lots of legit reasons for denying the office to McCain. There may even be legitimate reasons for voting for Obama, but that other people like him shouldn't be one of them.

Populism hasn't served the world well.

I don't think there is any inherent defect in Obama that makes him dangerous. He isn't Hitler or Mao or Lenin. However, Populism brings such evil into the mainstream, it siphons off the energy of institutions, and betrays the spirit of the people. The end result is disenchantment, bad law, and economic loss.

The thing is that populism also is a sure-fire way to get into office.

Looking back at the Primary, it seems clear that Obama's handlers correctly identified a strategy to beat an experienced opponent... if neck and neck, act like you have already won and the people will assume that it is a done deal. It worked against Hillary.

Hillary was ahead in delegates and had a motivated base. There were plenty of delegates to go and a fight on the floor would probably have seated her as the nominee.

Obama wins. Why? Because he pretends to have already won. He stalks the country, having meetings with high-level persons about policies influenced by a SEATED president.

It worked and he is doing it again.

Obama and McCain are neck-and-neck. McCain is unquestionably the more experienced candidate. What do Obama's handlers do? They send him to meet with world leaders to discuss policies influenced by a SEATED president.

The thing is, if Obama was other than a stuffed shirt... If he had a scintilla of actual experience, maybe this wouldn't be pure populism. If he had the actual experience to be President and his opponent didn't trump him in every regard, such a trip might provide insight into his capacity to manage foreign affairs. Sadly, he has none of those skills and the trip does nothing but show that those of us who are influenced most by reputation and image like him.

Look, I've made no bones about my intentions. I am going to vote for McCain.

I don't think of myself as "smarter" than other people. I recognized that many Obama supporters have greater education and greater mental faculties than I do. However, intelligence is often betrayed by the desire to fit in, to do what everyone else does, to accept, without challenge, the assertions of others if those assertions are spoken loudly enough and resonate with our desires.

Johnson may have been hated and God knows the crowds gathered to oust him, but it was his legislative savvy, his connections to representatives, governors, and senators that allowed the Civil Rights Acts to go through. It was his commanding sense of duty that sent troops to enforce Congressional action.

Obama hasn't the stones for the latter and hasn't the skill, experience, or connections for the former.

FDR had the connections and competency in administration to push through legislation that he believed would help the US recover from the Depression. He had the will to coax America into WWII. I would not have favored his policies, had I been around back then, but FDR's skills at being a president are undeniable.

Obama has no experience on which to base an opinion as to whether he could command as FDR did. There is no reason to believe that he is another FDR.

Obama is more similar to JFK or Clinton than any President that I would have followed. Like JFK, he can stir up the crowds. And, I suspect, like JFK, it will end there... with a stirred-up population and no policy or determination to do anything about it. Like JFK, Obama will find that there is a huge difference between conceptualizing a "better world" and doing anything to get us there.

Like Clinton, he will find that it is a lot more satisfying to make big speeches than to attend to the day-in-and-day-out functions of an Administration. And, like Clinton, I suspect that an Obama Administration will be rudderless and corrupt. He will likely be the unknowing chief of a scandal-plagued tribe.

We had better bar-code the linens in the White House and catalog the silverware before another populist president takes office and fills it with children playing presidential staff.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Springfield woman’s lawsuit alleges discrimination against her monkey

SPRINGFIELD | A southwest Missouri woman has sued Wal-Mart, local health officials and Cox Health Systems, claiming they discriminated against her and her monkey named Richard.

Debby Rose of Springfield said in the lawsuit that the 10-year-old bonnet macaque helps curb a social anxiety disorder that can cause her to have panic attacks in public.

The suit contends the Springfield-Greene County Health Department lacked the authority to decide that Richard is not a service animal under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Health officials in 2006 sent letters to restaurants and grocery stores, advising them not to let Rose in with the monkey.

Rose also alleges she was denied access to Cox Health Systems facilities.

The three entities declined to comment on the lawsuit.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Man Arrested For Unlawful Photography

By Darius Radzius, Reporter / WJHL, Published: July 11, 2008

Nearly everyone carries a cell phone and it’s hard to find one without that camera feature. It’s convenient when you want to take that impromptu photo, but a Tri-Cities area man ended up behind bars after snapping a shot of a Johnson County sheriff’s deputy during a traffic stop.

The cell phone photographer says the arrest was intimidation, but the deputy says he feared for his life.

“Here’s a guy who takes me out of the car and arrests me in front of my kids. For what? To take a picture of a police officer?” said Scott Conover.

A Johnson County sheriff’s deputy arrested Scott Conover for unlawful photography.

“He says you took a picture of me. It’s illegal to take a picture of a law enforcement officer,” said Conover.

Conover took a picture of a sheriff’s deputy on the side of the road on a traffic stop. Conover was stunned by the charge.

“This is a public highway,” said Conover.

And it was not a place where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy as Tennessee code states. The deputy also asked Conover to delete the picture three times.

“He said if you don’t give it to me, you’re going to jail,” said Conover.

Under the advice of the Johnson County attorney, the sheriff would not comment and the arresting deputy said he didn’t want to incriminate himself by talking to us.

In an affidavit, the deputy said he saw something black with a red light which he thought was a threat. Conover was also arrested for pointing a laser at a law enforcement officer.

“At no time did I have a laser. I had an iPhone,” said Conover.

When you take a picture in the dark with Conover’s Apple iPhone, there is no flash or any light that comes from the phone that could be mistaken for a laser.

In a witness statement by a Mountain City officer, is says the deputy asked about the picture rather than looking for a laser.

“If you arrested me, wouldn’t you take the laser? If you arrested me, wouldn’t you take the camera?” said Conover.

He expects these charges to be dismissed.

“This guy maliciously arrested me, charging me with phony charges that he don’t even understand himself,” Conover said.

The American Civil Liberties Union would not comment on Conover’s case without fully reviewing the allegations, but told us there is no law that prohibits anyone from taking photographs in public areas, even of police. Taking photos is protected by the First Amendment. Conover is ordered to appear in a Johnson County court on August 6th.

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AFFIDAVIT OF COMPLAINT

GENERAL SESSIONS COURT OF JOHNSON COUNTY TENNESSEE
State of Tennessee vs. JOHN SCOTT CONOVER
Johnson County Case # 08-0816 70120 70121 70122

AFFIDAVIT OF COMPLAINT

I, the affiant named below, after being sworn, state under oath that on or about 06-08-2008 in MOUNTAIN CITY Johnson County, Tennessee, JOHN SCOTT CONOVER committed the offense(s) of violation(s) of T.C.A § 39-16-515 POINTING A LASER AT A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER 39-13-605 UNLAWFUL PHOTOGRAPHING IN VIOLATION OF PRIVACY 39-17-305 DISORDERLY CONDUCT. I further state under oath that the essential facts constituting the offense(s), the sources of my information and the reasons why this information is believable and reliable are as follows:

ON THIS DATE THIS OFFICER WAS ON A TRAFFIC STOP ON HIGHWAY 421 NORTH ABOUT .1 TENTH OF A MILE FROM JOHSON HOLLOW. THE INITIAL STOP OF A MULTI-COLORED MUSTANG WAS THAT THE DRIVER WENT ACROSS THE CENTER OF THE ROAD THREE TIME FROM COLD SPRINGS TO JOHNSON HOLLOW. UPON INVESTIGATION OF THE DRIVER THIS OFFICER NOTICED MR. JEFFERY DUNN IN THE BACK SEAT. RAN MR. DUNN LOCAL WARRANTS CHECK HE AHD CHILD SUPPORT SUMMONS. WHILE WAITING FOR THE PAPER WORK A HUMMER CAME BY WENT 30 TO 40 YARDS PAST US AND TURNED AROUND. THE HUMMER CAME TO A DEAD STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW AND POINTED SOMETHING BLACK WITH A RED LIGHT, THIS OFFICER TURNED TO THE OTHER OFFICER TO PROTECT HIM AND SAID [expletive] KEN. I THOUGHT HE WAS GOINT TO SHOOT US, THEN THE MAN SAID TO SMILE AS HE TOOK A PICTURE WITH OUT OUR CONSENT. THEN THE HUMMER WENT DOWN THE ROAD 30 TO 40 YARDS AND CAME BACK TOWARD US. PATROLMAN KEN LANE AND MYSELF STOP THE VEHICLE TO CHECK. THIS OFFICER ASKED THE MALE SUBJECT TO HAND OVER THE CAMERA OR TO DELETE THE PICTURE. THE MALE SUBJECT STATED THAT HE WAS NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING AND GOT IRATE. THIS OFFICER ASKED FOR THE MALE SUBJECTS NAME HE STATE IT WAS JOHN SCOTT CONOVER. THIS OFFICER ASKED MR. CONOVER TO DELETE THE PICTURE TWO MORE TIMES, HIS WIFE EVEN TO HIM TO JUST DELETE THE PICTURE AND QUIT MAKING IT WORSE. THIS OFFICER CHARGED MR. CONOVER WITH THE ABOVE CHARGES AND WAS TRANSPORTED TO THE JOHNSON COUNTY JAIL FOR BOOKING BY PATROLMAN KEN LANE.

Affiant’s Signature: [signed - Deputy Starling R. McCloud]
Name (Printed): DEPUTY STARLING R. MCCLOUD

PROBABLY CAUSE DETERMINATION

Bassed on the affidavit of complaint, I find there is probably cause to believe that on the date set forth above in County, Tennessee the defendant committed the offense(s) of violation(s) of T.C.A § 39-16-515 POINTING A LASER AT A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER 39-13-605 UNLAWFUL PHOTOGRAPHING IN VIOLATION OF PRIVACY 39-17-305 DISORDERLY CONDUCT

(X) Defendant given citation or arrested without warrant
( ) Arrest warrant shall issue
( ) Criminal Summons shall issue

Date 6-7-08 [signed] Judge/Clerk/Judicial Commission

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WITNESS STATEMENT—Statement from Mountain City police officer on scene assisting Johnson County Sheriff’s Deputy.

On this date 06-08-08 this officer was on patrol, near McDonald’s. I heard Deputy McCloud by radio go 10-81 Hwy 421 North right acros from Ralph Stout Park. Then I heard checking three Driver License. I then headed his way. Upon my arrival I seen Deputy McCloud sitting in his vehicle with his emergency lights on. I pulled in behind him and turned my lights on. I went towards Deputy McClouds vehicle and asked him if everything was O.K. I told dispatch Center where I was. Deputy McCloud asked dispatch Center to get the other city Officer to retrieve the Criminal Summons on the subject in the vehicle. As we waited a Hummer was traveling South on Hwy 421. The driver drove by real slow. I watched the Hummer turn around and come back to Deputy McClouds traffic stop. The driver then stopped where we were. I seen a red light come on through the drivers side window, then this subject stated, “Smile, I’m going to take your picture. He then drove off traveling North on Hwy 421. I watched this same vehicle turn back around and Deputy McCloud asked me to stop this vehicle for him. I stopped the Hummer and Deputy McCloud asked the driver Why did you take our picture? Deputy McCloud then asked the driver to delete the picture and told him he could leave. The driver was Mr. Conover. this man became very irrate and started cursing. Deputy McCloud asked Mr. Conover just to delete the picture and he refused. this Officer heard the woman in the passenger seat say “Just Delete It.” Two children were sitting in the back seat as well. Deputy McCloud then placed Mr. Conover under arrest For Disorderly Conduct, Unlawful Photographing and Pointing a Laser at Law Enforcement Officers. Deputy McCloud asked Patrolman Ben May for his handcuffs. Two sets were used on this subject. Deputy McCloud then asked this officer if I would transport this man to the Johnson County Jail.

Officer Kenneth Lane
[signed - Kenneth Lane]
06-12-08

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WITNESS STATEMENT—Statement from Mountain City police officer who arrived on scene while officers were questioning driver of Hummer.

MOUNTAIN CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT STATEMENT FORM

ON JUNE SIXTH 2008, DEPUTY STARLING MCCLOUD, WITH THE JOHNSON COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT AND OFFICER KEN LANE WITH THE MOUNTAIN CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT, WERE ON A TRAFFIC STOP ON HIGHWAY 421. ONE OF THE SUBJECTS IN THE VEHICLE HAD A CRIMINAL SUMMONS TO BE SERVED. DEPUTY MCCLOUD REQUESTED THAT I, OFFICER BEN MAY WITH THE MOUNTAIN CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT, GO THE THE JOHNSON COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT AND PICK UP THE CRIMINAL SUMMONS THAT WAS TO BE SERVED. WHILE EN ROUTE TO THE TRAFFIC STOP, OFFICER LANE REQUESTED THAT I UPGRADE TO EMERGENCY TRAFFIC. UPON MY ARRIVAL I OBSERVED A WHITE, AND WHAT APPEARED TO BE A GOLD, COLORED FORD MUSTANG, SETTING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. DEPUTY MCCLOUD’S PATROL CAR WAS SETTING BEHIND THE MUSTANG. ALONG WITH OFFICER LANE’S PATROL CAR BEHIND DEPUTY MCCLOUD’S PATROL CAR. I ALSO OBSERVED A COPPER COLORED HUMMER SETTING IN THE SOUTH BOUND LANE ON HIGHWAY 421. OFFICER LANE AND DEPUTY MCCLOUD WERE SPEAKING WITH A MALE SUBJECT BESIDE THE LEFT SIDE OF THE HUMMER. THE MALE SUBJECT WAS OUT OF THE VEHICLE, WAVING HIS ARM’S AND APPEARED TO BE DISORDERLY. I APPROACHED THE MALE SUBJECT AND THE ABOVE NAMED OFFICERS. WHEN I GOT TO THE VEHICLE, DEPUTY MCCLOUD REQUESTED THAT THE SUBJECT SHOW HIM A PICTURE THAT HE HAD APPARENTLY TAKEN BEFORE MY ARRIVAL. THE MALE SUBJECT REFUSED TO COOPERATE WITH DEPUTY MCCLOUD. DEPUTY MCCLOUD THEN PLACED THE SUBJECT UNDER ARREST FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT. DEPUTY MCCLOUD WAS PLACING THE SUBJECT IN HAND RESTRAINTS. WHILE DEPUTY MCCLOUD WAS PLACING THE SUBJECT IN HAND RESTRAINTS, THE SUBJECT DEMANDED THAT HIS DAUGHTER TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE. I THEN SEEN A YOUNG GIRL TAKE A PICTURE OF THE SUBJECT, DEPUTY MCCLOUD, AND MYSELF. DEPUTY MCCLOUD PLACED THE SUBJECT IN THE BACK OF OFFICER LANE’S PTROL CAR. DEPUTY MCCLOUD THEN FINISHED THE TRAFFIC STOP WITH THE FORD MUSTANG AND SERVED THE CRIMINAL SUMMONS. AFTER THE SUBJECT FOR DEPUTY MCCLOUD FINISHED THE TRAFFIC STOP, OFFICER LANE TRANSPORTED THE SUBJECT FOR DEPUTY MCCLOUD TO THE JOHNSON COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT. I WA NOT INVOLVED ANY FURTHER.

I SEAR THAT THE ABOVE STATEMENT IS TURE TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE.

[signed - Patrolman Ben May]

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TENNESSEE CODE

39-13-605. Unlawful photographing in violation of privacy. —

(a) It is an offense for a person to knowingly photograph, or cause to be photographed an individual, when the individual is in a place where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy, without the prior effective consent of the individual, or in the case of a minor, without the prior effective consent of the minor’s parent or guardian, if the photograph:
(1) Would offend or embarrass an ordinary person if such person appeared in the photograph; and
(2) Was taken for the purpose of sexual arousal or gratification of the defendant.
(b) As used in this section, unless the context otherwise requires, “photograph” means any photograph or photographic reproduction, still or moving, or any videotape or live television transmission of any individual so that the individual is readily identifiable.
(c) All photographs taken in violation of this section shall be confiscated and, after their use as evidence, destroyed.
(d) (1) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.
(2) If the defendant disseminates or permits the dissemination of the photograph to any other person, a violation of this section is a Class E felony.

39-16-515. Pointing a laser at a law enforcement officer. —

(a) It is an offense to knowingly activate and point a laser pointer or other device utilizing a laser beam at a person known to be a law enforcement officer while the officer is in the performance of the officer’s official duties with the intent to place the officer in fear of serious bodily injury or death.
(b) In order for subsection (a) to apply:
(1) The law enforcement officer must actually be placed in fear of serious bodily injury or death;
(2) The fear must be real or honestly believed to be real at the time; and
(3) Based upon the facts and circumstances surrounding the defendant’s conduct, the fear must be founded upon reasonable grounds.
(c) A violation of this section is a Class A misdemeanor.

39-17-305. Disorderly conduct. —

(a) A person commits an offense who, in a public place and with intent to cause public annoyance or alarm:
(1) Engages in fighting or in violent or threatening behavior;
(2) Refuses to obey an official order to disperse issued to maintain public safety in dangerous proximity to a fire, hazard or other emergency; or
(3) Creates a hazardous or physically offensive condition by any act that serves no legitimate purpose.
(b) A person also violates this section who makes unreasonable noise that prevents others from carrying on lawful activities.
(c) A violation of this section is a Class C misdemeanor.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Humor from YouTube

Movie Review - WALL-E

The high-price of movie tickets is inconvenient but tolerable when the movies are good. Of late, Hollywood has produced a fairly good run of flicks. I enjoy the special-effects in particular and, though the plots are often a rehash, I am not greatly disturbed by the lack of writing creativity.

Enter WALL-E.

The plot is simple enough- humans screw up the world with our waste and leave for a short trip. Hoping to return someday, we leave a cadre of robots behind to clean up our mess. The WALL-E class of robots slowly falls apart as one-by-one they fail. WALL-E keeps himself going by cannibalizing parts from failed robots and, over 700 years develops a human-like personality that collects the unique and beautiful.

Humans periodically send robots to Earth to search for evidence that life is possible.

When WALL-E finds a vine and saves it as part of his collection of beautiful things, the robot "EVE" collects the vine and the two of them begin the process of bringing people back to Earth.

Along the way, they fall in love.

Simple enough... So here is what makes me rank this movie among the three best movies of the last 20 years.

The love between WALL-E and EVE is clean and fresh. It is noble and selfless.

For example, WALL-E spends three seasons trying to get EVE to wake up, just so that he can be with her. He shields her from the sun and rain, exposing himself to the same elements. He tries to keep her warm in the snow, even though he freezes himself. In short, everything he does is designed not to show off for her but to serve her, to anticipate and meet her needs.

In return, EVE repeatedly faces destruction to save WALL-E from more advanced robots who seek to destroy him and the vine, rather than having people return to Earth.

Their love is eventually expressed with the simple action of holding hands.

The artwork is fresh and vibrant. The humor is delightful, with a combination of slapstick and clever plays on words and shots at human faults and frailties.

In short, this is the best Disney-Pixar film since The Lion King.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Never Ever Open A Law Professor's Refrigerator

Law professor Jack J. Rappeport ... is noted in legal circles for his wild stories about how his cleaning lady got impregnated with his seed.

The aging prof, who retired from full-time teaching at the university in 1984, was sued last year in Pima County Superior Court by Maryann Ortiz, who claimed Rappeport sired her child in 1985. Ortiz claimed she and Rappeport were lovers while she was employed by him. She was cleaning his house and taking care of his elderly mother in exchange for some legal work that Rappeport had done for her.

Ortiz, now 41 and a deputy clerk at Pima County Superior Court, sued for child support, pointing out that sophisticated genetic tests indicated that Rappeport was the father of her child. Rappeport ... insisted in court that he didn't recall ever having sex with Ortiz.

So how could Ortiz possibly have gotten pregnant? Rappeport offered some astonishing theories when he was questioned last November in a Superior Court trial. So flabbergasting that even the judge had to stifle a smirk. ...

Following is an excerpt from Rappeport's testimony elicited by Ortiz's lawyer, Gary Kneip--a former student of Rappeport's who pulled A's and B's in his classes:

  • Kneip: How is it possible that you could be the father of this child without having had sexual contact with Maryann Ortiz?
  • Rappeport: There are a number of ways. One is artificial insemination.
  • Kneip: Did that happen in this case?
  • Rappeport: I don't know.
  • Kneip: You don't know whether artificial insemination happened?
  • Rappeport: That's correct.
  • Kneip: Are you a donor at a sperm bank here in town?
  • Rappeport: No, I'm not a donor.
  • Kneip: Okay. How would Maryann artificially inseminate herself with your sperm, Mr. Rappeport?
  • Rappeport: I'm not quite certain if it even did occur, but there was a possibility of it occurring.
  • Kneip: How would she get ahold of your sperm?
  • Rappeport: She cleaned my office from time to time . . . and there was refrigerated sperm in the refrigerator during that time--during that period of time.
  • Kneip: And so your theory--excuse me, your theory is Maryann got into your refrigerator and inseminated herself with your sperm. That's your testimony?
  • Donald E. Gabriel (Rappeport's lawyer): Object to counsel's manner of asking the question--laughing.
  • Kneip: I'm not trying to be facetious. Is that your testimony?
  • Rappeport: I don't have any theory. You're asking how it's possible and that's what I told you, among other things. I don't know.
  • Kneip: What would the other things be?
  • Rappeport: I told you that I don't recall having any contact--sexual contact--with Maryann Ortiz, and that's the truth. I don't have any recollection of it. If this could occur at the time when I was comatose, that's a possibility.
  • Kneip: Were you comatose in February or March of 1985?
  • Rappeport: There was a period of time when I was under very heavy sedation for what has really never been truly diagnosed, but something that kept me from being able to walk.
  • Kneip: And you were sedated and Maryann had access to your body? So that's a possibility? She may have what--raped you without your knowledge? Is that what you're telling us?
  • Rappeport: I don't know if you want a technical definition of rape. I'm guessing. If, in fact, the child is mine, that's another possible way it happened.
  • Kneip: That she had sex with you without your knowledge?
  • Rappeport: Without me being aware of it, correct.

Apparently, Rappeport's testimony didn't persuade Judge Allen Minker, who ordered the professor to pay Ortiz about $500 a month in child support.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Restaurant Owner Takes Over Negotiations w/ North Korea

NJ Restaurant Owners AREN’T Diplomats!!!

I don’t know what this guy is thinking.


Maybe his pride got the better of him. Maybe he is just an IDIOT!!!

I cannot imagine that he is blind to the fact that the North Koreans are using him, that he is just a pawn.

Of particular concern is his intense pleasure in the idea that he interprets our culture for the North Koreans, that he is able to tell the North Koreans whether reactions to North Korean double-dealings is merely the politics of the Bush Administration or generally felt by other Americans. Even if he COULD speak for the rest of us, it is treasonous to do so.

I assume he never heard of Hanoi Jane.

Just a thought… maybe a bunch of the North Korean backsliding in negotiations is this jack-ass’ fault.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bio: Ipsit Dixit

It occurred to me that I was a bit of a cipher to readers of this blog, and that the “profile” section was too artificial and restrictive. So, I decided to pull the following from my biographer’s last press release. (For those of you who already read it in the New York Times or The Economist,, I apologize for the repetition.)

Ipsit Dixit was a precocious lad, born at the age of 9 speaking three languages, including Atlantean, Venusean, Vulcan, Wookie, an obscure dialect of Low Gondwanalandish, and just a smattering of Laurasian. Unfortunately, though geniuses, his parents—brilliantly successful Hottentot contract scientists in das Deutschemarsautonomereichserlichkronkolonie (the famous domed Imperial German Autonomous Mars Colony, not die Volksübersiedlung, the notorious hardscrabble underground warrens so tragically championed by the Austrian anarchists)—failed to recognize any of little Ipsit’s native languages and so made no effort to speak anything but the corrupted version of Esperanto common among the coarser sorts of day laborers, which—interestingly—sounds like nothing so much as an unbroken string of curses enthusiastically enunciated by a drunken sailor who has simultaneously stubbed his toe and dropped his wallet off the pier. As a result of the fourth law of thermodynamics: “Use It or Loose It”, he quickly became a monolingual boy wonder. (You know the sort: You look at a person and say, “Boy, I wonder if he was dropped on his head as a baby?”)

Ipsit Dixit was orphaned at the tender age of 41 when his parents faked their deaths in a bizarre malfunction of an experimental trans-temporal modulator/toaster-oven. Abandoned on the teacup ride in EuroDisney, he was adopted by a pack of roving Civil War re-enactors who taught him 101 uses for fake blood (including as part of an excuse for speeding or leaving work early) and introduced him into the ways of dactylology, dandelion wine, the Dewey decimal system, document fraud, dilettantism, and dumpster diving. He rose high in their ranks and their esteem until they discovered that he had attended law school on the sly, becoming a lawyer. “We thought he was just sneaking off every night to turn tricks. When we found out about the J.D., though, we realized that the corruption had reached the core. We couldn’t risk exposing impressionable children to such so-called “alternate lifestyles”, so we cut all ties and disowned him. He’s dead to us. And if the 27th Hawaiian Volunteer Regiment ever sees him in front of us again, while we’re running headlong in a rip-roaring bayonet charge, he’ll be dead to himself, too.”

Mr. Dixit is now a male “before” model for commercial advertisers, works on the side as a petty bureaucrat, and snags occasional weekend gigs as an object lesson for local Sunday School programs. He is on the run from authorities and lives under an assumed name with his dog. He and his inflatable wife are estranged, though he is optimistic about a reconciliation, citing his recent acquisition of a digital pressure gage.

Ipsit Dixit came to know Gorgius Vegetius long before Gorgius started blogging, before he entered the witness protection program after rolling over on Ipsit to turn state's evidence, and even before he had delusions (of grandure or otherwise). Their friendship goes back decades, and Ipsit wishes it to be known that he holds no ill will to GV, or Frankie “the weasel” Consigliore--as Ipsit once knew him--as he goes about his new life at 142 W. Kudzu Ln. in Poughkeepsie. Gorgius Vegetius declined to be interviewed for this bio.

Mr. Dixit met 5toeSloth while working his way through law school. “When little Ipsit snuck away from the re-enactors' encampment every night,” 5toe said, “the Hawaiians actually had it half right. Clerking for me was as close as you can get to turning tricks without eliminating the middle man.”

Hokusuai Octopi and Ipsit Dixit have been friends ever since they met in a city that has threatened to sue if it is ever uttered in the save breath with Mr. Dixit. Ipsit credits Hokusuai with introducing him to his wife. “Yes, she may have been a mail-order bride, but it is true love. They have so much in common intellectually and spiritually that you would have to call them soul mates,” said Mr. Octopi.

Asked tell his adoring readers about himself in 15 words or less, Ipsit Dixit said “It’s been a long, interesting slide from precocity to depravity, and when I close my.”